Team Super Dad is a vision I had whilst climbing a mountain in Austria. It is September 2016, we are in a blizzard, crossing a crevasse. I should be focused on the mountain but all I can think about is rebuilding my life. My marriage is over. I’m fighting to see my children. I need to sort out my finances and get healthy. Most of all I want to feel good about myself and have fun with my kids.
By the time we reach the mountain hut, I burst in grab some paper and start writing my plan for Team Super Dad.
Inside of Team Super Dad is a community of Dads, mentors and friends. You receive coaching on the key elements of life – Health, Wealth and Happiness. We work on rebuilding your confidence so that you can move forward as quickly as possible, without making the mistakes other Dads have made whilst rebuilding their lives. I can’t wait to meet you.
Have you ever wanted more from your life? To have more fun, more time and money? To feel more joy and self-belief? To have a fun and love filled relationship with your children? To really feel like you are fulfilling your potential and achieving your dreams?
I know I always have. Becoming a Dad made those things even more important. They also seemed even harder to reach.
Many Dads do not have the life they desire. Yet some do. What is their secret? Many times I thought “If only I could copy and recreate what they do.”
And that was before the breakdown of my marriage and mental health. The life I desired after that experience seemed impossible.
Sound familiar at all?
Marriage Break Up
We started off so happy and in love. Then we had miscarriages and money troubles, leading to communication issues. Then she had a 5 year pain and fatigue illness; I thought my wife was dying. Two weeks after I buried my little brother we split up for the first time. Eight months later, after another argument I left. I’d been through tough times before but this was the worst. I was broken, depressed and not a good version of myself.
Our marriage lasted 7 years. There was no reconciliation. She did not want it and I see now that was for the best.
I had to work hard to repair myself. Medication, counselling, fitness, even a singing club. Thankfully there was the love and support of a few good friends and my family. Once I found a good counsellor the work of unpicking my heartbreak and grieving properly for a lifetime of losses became enlightening.
As for the tablets, I wasn’t happy at first about taking anti-depressants. When the Dr helped me understand though that they were medicine to repair my mental health I began to approach the subject as my recovery. I got wise about what I was taking. I took full responsibility for how much I was taking and for how long I wanted to be on them – 1 year.
Breakdown And Recovery
The process of divorce and fighting for equal time with my children was not pleasant or easy. The learning curve was steep and I wish I had known in the beginning what I know now. Dads who had walked the path already encouraged me to stay calm and see the longer-term picture. I couldn’t though. I was angry, sad and frightened about not seeing my children. It is only now after 4 years that I am able to reassure other Dads just as I had been. That has certainly been easier since 50/50 contact was secured.
What I found as I went through this process was the huge numbers of Dads going through the same pain and struggle. It is a brutal experience and whilst information is all around us, finding the best way to repair and rebuild my life was incredibly hard. Many Dads never feel like they achieve the life they want after divorce, separation or loss. For a long time I did not believe I could.
This sorrow and the experience of starting again can lead to the ultimate loss that is suicide. The rate of male suicide will testify to this. I’ve experienced suicide around me and it could not possibly have been my path. Or so I thought.
I did not realise such thoughts were so dangerous. They start as just one possible solution. Before you know it those solutions start to become fewer and the ones that remain more possible. Then the slightest incident can lead to disaster. Thankfully I no longer think such things. It reminds me though how mentally ill I was.
Team Super Dad Vision
It’s September 2016 and I am climbing Austria’s highest peak. I have a little climbing experience but am counting on my best friend and guide. We have the equipment we need but aren’t expecting a blizzard to arrive as we cross a crevasse. One foot in front of the other, tied together by 10 metres of rope, I should be concentrating (or maybe it is because I am) but all I can think about is far I have come on my journey. I wonder how many other Dads in the World are in the same place as I was or am. I question how the hell am I going to take this to the next level. Then I start thinking about all the goals and ambitions that I used to have before my marriage. In particular The Lodge. A retreat for Dads to reconnect with themselves and their families.
As the wind and snow whip around us clear thoughts fill my mind. Dads need a programme and support to get them through this madness. I’ve come so far but it was hard and took too long. I think about the different areas of my life that I have addressed – health, wealth, happiness – and the ones that still need help. There are loads of experts out there on all these subjects. If I could just get them to share some of that. If I could pull together other Dads in the same situation; maybe some of them are the experts or could simply inspire and support each other. We need a Team. We need a Dads Team. No. What we need is a Team of Super Dads.
As the wind and snow calm themselves, the sun blazes down from around the clouds. The mountain hostel appears on the horizon. All I can think about is getting in there, finding a pen and paper and getting these thoughts of Team Super Dad down.
It has taken three more years to bring Team Super Dad to life. I couldn’t break free of my previous work. I feared for too long that it would not work. Problem with that though is that I have torn myself between the vision of my future and the security of my 20 year digital marketing career.
Taking Control Of My Life
I shouldn’t have done that. Upon achieving 50/50 contact with my children the stress of that distraction lifted like a fog. The reality of my whole life’s experiences leading to this moment. My journey through personal development, self-awareness, faith and coaching others around me. The vision that was placed on my heart in 2007 for The Lodge and then Team Super Dad in 2016. The pain of my divorce, mental breakdown and child court. The acknowledgement from Dads I have supported, Mum’s who wished their children’s Father was as committed as me and hearing my own kids repeat back to me and live out my mantra’s for success. All these things command me to bring Team Super Dad to life and believe in the good it will do for Dads, their children, our communities and generations to come.
My vision is of Team Super Dad coaching programmes around the World. Communities of Super Dads forming friendships and rebuilding successful lives. Equal parenting rights for men and women. Children growing up confident of the love and support of both parents regardless of them being together. And on a bigger scale no man taking his life through suicide.
Come and be part of Team Super Dad and share it with others around you.
A Super Dad is a way of being. A desire and focus to achieve what we want in our own life and to create a joyous, memory packed childhood for our children.
For Dads experiencing divorce, separation or loss the possibility of a achieving that can seem so out of reach. Even if you are still in a relationship, the goals and ambitions we had, can get lost in the demands of everyday life.
A Super Dad takes responsibility of their life, their work, the amount of fun and money they have, it all takes energy and commitment. No-one said it was easy but with the right knowledge, motivation and support we can all fulfil our potential and achieve our dreams.